Today I want to share some words about resting as this apply very well to my experience of now.
Winter is approaching, the brighter days are difficult to catch, and darkness has implemented organically in nature through longer nights and shades of grey.
The season can be radical in many ways, especially in the Northern countries, and naturally our bodies may claim more ease and slowness.
We may feel challenged on how to reduce our speed in such an intense month with so many things to wrap up and get ready for, and what else can we do if this seems the only way to keep going ?
Nature shows its sovereignty within this time of the year with pools of stillness and an imposing silence that at times can be intimidating.
Last week I was standing in front of a nearly frozen lake on early mornings for three days. The calmness I was feeling was something that did let me know that indeed, nature rests sublimely in this time of the year. All living bodies that are part of the beautiful landscapes that surrounds us seem to know about reducing their own activities, and resetting until the conditions are lighter to be reborn into a new cycle.
What I have learned about resting is that is a full recovery from all the moments our nervous systems have been out of place. Resting goes beyond sleeping eight hours a day, taking siestas, or having programmed days for holidays and leisure. Resting is about prioritizing giving in rather than giving out, attention rather than distraction to mostly restore our inner power.
It seems like it was a long time ago when I kept going for years from burnout to burnout, believing an alter ego that my mind had created in order for me to feel safe: that I was a superwoman. That I could click into all the roles I was ready ( and not ready ) to take. That my super-active and committed personality ( to my work, to my workplace union, to a full routine of daily exercise, to yoga at 6 a.m, to say yes to every social commitment I was asked to ) was something to be proud of.
Deep within, though, I was tired, I was moody, I was frustrated, and I needed to stop but I did not know how.
Yoga stopped me in the moment and gave me access to practice attention. To know better how to be in touch with my feelings and to listen to my body. With yoga I started to integrate rest in my life: physically and internally. I knew that at some point I needed to change my job and opt for alternatives that could bring me more ease. I learnt about rest because I also learnt how to recognise the over exhausted parts within myself.
By today I am still learning and is still difficult at times. I am though more accepting of myself. I know I don't need to pull on the superwoman to feel recognised. I have learnt to say NO as many times as necessary in order to release my fear of missing out, and being loved by the external World with its constant commitments. I know better who I am and this shows into what I do and how I want to live my life with.
All of the above have been acts radical acts of giving in, to only recognise myself when my nervous system feels restored and strong,
and also to know that I don't need to perform to prove my worthiness.
Maybe this is the whole point of winter and why resting is the verb of the season.
To be willing to be born again in life, like a new spring for the year ahead, is to let all that is not inner power die.
That radical, yes.