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LEARNING TO BE MYSELF


I want to start this writing with a poem that has been a major inspiration in my life.


One day you finally knew what you had to do, and

began,

though the voices around you

kept shouting

their bad advice --

though the whole house

began to tremble

and you felt the old tug

at your ankles.

"Mend my life!"

each voice cried.

But you didn't stop.

You knew what you had to

do,

though the wind pried

with its stiff fingers

at the very foundations,

though their melancholy

was terrible.

It was already late

enough, and a wild night,

and the road full of fallen

branches and stones.

But little by little,

as you left their voice behind,

the stars began to burn

through the sheets of clouds,

and there was a new voice

which you slowly recognized as your own,

that kept you company

as you strode deeper

and deeper

into the world,

determined to do

the only thing you could do --

determined to save

the only life that you could

save.


Mary Oliver

The Journey


*


All these words remind me to what autumn truly is : a new chance to start living from inside out, going slower to pay attention to the wisdom of the heart.


Every autumn brings a different meaning for myself.


This year my heart is filled with fire, like auburn leaves burning to yellows, and commitment to live with joy and passion.


This is something new that I am willing to embed mindfully, especially after going through a long period of loss ( both of my parents), grieve and confusion.


Even though the dark seasons of life can feel awful and saddening, there is a great learning behind them. In my case, I have gain less rejection to death and uncertainty, while remaining very patient with my own feelings as going through this process.


And you know what ?


There is nothing wrong with being sad, in grieve or in devastation. All these things don't take away our worthiness as human beings. We are entitled to be seen fully with all of it and to feel love at the deepest, as is especially within these moments that we need so much solace and tenderness.


I am grateful that I have people in my life who have supported me in this process of letting go.


*


Autumn is the season where this happens naturally as we observe how the trees are releasing their leaves on the ground.


And I wonder many times, why can this cause sentiments like melancholy within us?


A couple of days ago, while having a chat with my friend Henrika,


I asked her whether seeing the trees letting the leaves go can activate some fear of death in us, feeling like this is the end of everything.


Funnily enough the trees don't die in autumn, they just take a different form. Maybe more introspective and dedicated to preserve the life within.


And so Henrika made a beautiful reflection: What is the value of letting go ? What are we gaining with it ?


This totally let me in awe.


The realisation of another huge truth: if life isn't about losing and gaining ( like nature does in all the seasons ) what it is then ? Is life truly real if we only aim for fullness without leaving space for emptiness ?


To start living from within will always require to let go of all voices which tell us how we are supposed to act and be.


It takes a lot of courage to be oneself as it requires for us to be OK with our own vulnerability not matter what.


But is specially in this process that we can learn to be more interdependent with our emotions, not attached but free, as the more we understand them, the deeper we can release them and transform them.


And even though this seems like a very difficult process, the only thing we need to do is to learn to be fully with ourselves. Interiorly naked and committed to keep going, like an autumn tree does.


Through the last couple of years I have gained major insights from my sadness and grieve about who I am as a human being.


I have honour these moments when I have felt I had nothing to give to the World, but through this immense void,


I have discovered an old voice within me which talks joy and commitment to a life filled with purpose,


and I am there now.


This autumn I am learning to be in this me.


May we keep learning to be ourselves always and always.


Chances are always born.


Much love,







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